Riley's trigger thumb

Riley's surgery on Tuesday went very well and we are back to normal at home. We were supposed to try to keep the bandage dry and clean for 8 days, until his post-op appointment next Wednesday, but that didn't happen. The doctor knows that it's close to impossible to do this with a two year old so we had instructions on how to redress it if necessary.

The only thing the instructions didn't cover is what to do if mom almost faints when she sees the incision and stitches in her two year old's hand!


This is a picture from almost a year ago. It's the earliest evidence we have of how long Riley's thumb was stuck. Can you see the difference between the thumbs? His left thumb is the trigger thumb.

When God gets you into a mess...

I have been threatened to have our link deleted from a dear friends blog, so here is what's up with the Dukes right now.

Every since the church closed we have felt like we waiting in limbo for the next thing God has for us. We seemed to have transitioned out of a lot of things (my job, our old apartment, the cities, church) but not transitioned into anything new. It feels very awkward and can be depressing if we don't concentrate on God's love for us.

It felt like the only thing keeping us from floating into the abyss of nothingness was Brandon's job, which he doesn't feel real certain about either (not that he would lose his job, but that he might want to find a new one). So I sit at home with Riley and we make the most of things while Brandon works crazy long hours at work (plus two hours of driving every day)! Riley and I see Brandon two or three nights each week and when the weekend comes and we are both so happy to spend time with him and get out of the house!

As we talked more about Brandon finding a new job we realized that without anything tying us down we could go anywhere and do anything that opened up, but if it's not where God directs us then we are finding our own way out of the mess that we let God direct us into. What good would that do?!

So our motto is: God got us into this mess and we're only taking his way out!

So until God directs us elsewhere (which could come in the next couple of weeks or not for months) we are doing the same old thing. Granted we will have some things to share about Riley, etc...but not much for now. Thank you for your patience as we wrestle with being content with where God has us and finding whatever he has for us next.

There's still hope for my chick flick sickness!

Note: This is kind of the conclusion to the previous post.

All of the distressed women of the world who tirelessly watch chick flick and seek to understand men and long for that click flick experience can now be satisfied!

Coming to a heart near you (a.k.a. your heart) is the man who doesn't need to sleep and can watch over you night and day
- the one who can read the mind of those around you to keep you from harm (but longs to hear you tell him your thoughts and desires as if your the only mind he can't read)
- the one who has super human speed and physical ability
- the one who whisk you to the top of an ancient tree overlooking a beautiful mountain valley!

...

I know it sounds cheesy but really, God is the one!
AND EVEN MORE, God is the explanation for why we have these longings in the first place!

QUESTION: Why would God create in us a longing to be loved in such an extreme way if no man could fulfill that desire?
ANSWER(DUH!): Because men are not supposed to fulfill that desire for us - only God can!


SOURCE OF MY 'FINALLY UNDERSTANDING': The Bible (duh again!) and Mike Bickle's teachings on the Song of Songs. (Thanks for lending this to me Jonas!)

Song of Songs 2:3 - "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest"
Jesus is like the one and only apple tree among all the trees in the woods - the only one that can really satisfy our hunger!

Song of Songs 2:4 - "Let him lead me to the banquet hall"
The'happily ever after' happens when the two lovers are wedded and they celebrate their love for each other over a feast at the wedding reception!

(There's tons more that I am learning but these are just a few of the tidbits that apply to the chick flick sickness.)

...

Sounds too perfect for Hollywood, that wouldn't make for a good movie without the conflict and climax where it looks like it's all going to fall apart!

Oh, wait, there's another trying to steal the affections of the bride-to-be?!
Oh no, he's really sneaky, and super suave, she doesn't even notice what's happening!
And the audience feels like screaming at the women: "Are you stupid? Can't you see what this other deceptive guy is trying to do!"
You almost want to shut it off because she's just too stupid!

Actually there's way too much conflict and too much heart ache thinking about the bride giving so many of her affections away elsewhere and not to the groom - and what a cliffhanger it would be unless you mentioned the big comeback by the groom!

...

Well, I have decided my life can be the ultimate chick flick and all I have to do is enjoy the presence and crazy love of God. Easier said than done but totally worth it all!

Again, I know it sounds cheesy but I honestly had a really long blonde moment or something and just realized how click flicks have a great place in God's ultimate design!

:)

The Ultimate Chick Flick

Last night Brandon and I rented "Twilight". I usually would never had rented a vampire movie but my sister (who I think is even less likely to enjoy a vampire movie) said she saw it several times and loved it.
So I had to see what the fuss was about. And boy, did it create a fuss in me too!

WARNING: Don't keep reading if you haven't seen the movie. I am going to ruin some surprises for you if you keep reading.

It was really strange how this movie didn't seem like a vampire movie, but rather the ultimate chick flick. And my analytical mind (that drives Brandon crazy when we are watching a movie together) realized that this story seemed to be the epitome of a passionate love story.

And eventually I realized that they couldn't have achieved this epitome of a love story without making the man a super human with..
a) ultimate strength, speed and mind reading,
b) the wisdom of hundreds of years
c) the ability to protect his woman night and day because he doesn't sleep, etc...
A man who truly has nothing else to do so he can devote every moment and breathe 24/7 to his mate (who, by the way, is the only mind he can't read, because that wouldn't make for a very fun relationship).

So I tortured Brandon with my analysis of what women truly want in a love relationship (that one thing that woman are trying to engage in as single women in the dating scene; that thing a woman will always want even after she's married; and probably the major factor in why women have affairs). We want those oogly googly moments where a man looks into our eyes and truly wants to know more about us, is intrigued my our uniqueness, wants to be with us all the time and is willing to do super human things to protect us!

CAVEAT:
I know I'm not really capturing the true essence of what is it women need but I'll leave that up to the self-help section at your local bookstore. (And I'm sure I would be able to articulate this better if I ever got around to reading the "Captivating" book by Eldredge.) But for now, I'm just sharing some thoughts stirred up by the movie.

Then (later in the night as I was still obsessed with processing all of this) I realized it's really a bummer movie for men. Yes, Brandon liked it because of the action scenes and things like that, but from the perspective that this is the ultimate chick flick all the regular human guys on earth could get really discouraged that they
a) DO have to sleep at night to regain strength
b) AREN'T faster than light or
c) strong enough to take their women on a ride to the top of an ancient tree overlooking mountain ranges and rivers whenever she would like, etc...

All of these thoughts led to a lengthy conversation (at midnight, as Brandon is trying to go to sleep) between Brandon and I about the passion we felt when we were dating and engaged. Things seemed to change so fast and much seemed to be lost after we entered survival mode because of finances and having a kid and super busy lives. We stopped hanging out to just enjoy each other.
Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about, even if/when you do get to go on a date you have things you want to talk about.

So, I'm not trying to make a special recommendation for the movie. Rather, I'm intrigued at how they used the life of a "vegetarian" vampire to create what felt, to me, like the ultimate chick flick or passionate love story. I'm sure this sounds pretty pathetic but I don't really care because it helped me remember some pretty important stuff that shouldn't be forgotten or lost after you get married.

Something's missing...

I am super emotional right now and those of you who know me know that's a pretty big deal. Even though I am a female, I am NOT much of a "feeler" and much more of a "thinker". It is to my fault sometimes that I am very business-like with everything in my life. My emotions almost always take back seat to my check-list. Even my thoughts usually ignore my feelings. But eventually the big emotions catch up with my mind and pound down the door to explode into front & center stage!

So here I am on a Sunday evening...
Riley went down to bed like a perfect big 2 year old!
The house got a deep clean this week and we even re-cleaned some things after the party!
Everything on my checklist is checked!
Sounds like everything should feel perfect, right?!
But it doesn't...all I can think is that it feels like something is missing!
(And something tells me it has nothing to do with a checklist.)

I told Brandon how I felt and, like the great husband he is, he prayed with me, hugged me as a cried, and put my favorite movie in the DVD player - Cheaper By The Dozen!

So here I am, watching my favorite feel-good movie, snuggled up with pillows and blankets and on the couch with my husband! But something is missing!

Now it feels like it's my thoughts that aren't caught up with my emotions. Can you tell I'm a helpless emotional!!!

So what's missing...
...I miss my church family...
...I miss my family family, and nowhere feels like home as much as being with them...
...I'm dreading Brandon going to work tomorrow and I feel like I miss him already...
...I miss having my long checklist of Riley's party plans to distract my mind from my emotions...

Honestly, I know I was right with the first one = I miss my church!

For those of you who don't know, my ("our" if your from TCC) church, Twin Cities Church, has closed. We ended with the loving arms of our Father wrapped around us and worshipped him together for our final Sunday morning service on June 7th.

I really haven't figured out what's ahead but blogging (and the movie) are helping me find an optimistic thought and I look forward to talking with God each day this week as he walks me through what feels like grieving. Grieving the loss of my church...
...my family away from MI...
...my best Minneapolis friends...
...my spiritual encouragement...
...my long time unofficial part-time job...
...and for a short time, my latest official part-time job...
...the church that got me through college...
...the church where I was married...
...the church where my first and only (so far) child was dedicated...
...the church where I preached my first and only (so far) sermons...
...the only church I have ever know as my own, besides the church I was raised in, in MI...

I will never forget the mental pictures I have of those moments in the church when God spoke to me or the many amazing things that came from our kids as they were exposed to God's presence.

So what are those 5, or however many, steps or phases of grieving...

Here's what I found online (not scientific, but general concise info):
http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/grief-and-grieving-topic-overview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

Step 1, Denial - check. I think my business-like mind takes care of denying the emotions.
Step 2, Anger - check. Coupled with guilt. Step 3, Bargaining - check: Riley's party was how I compromised with the certain fate that things would not be the same anymore for my church family.
Step 4, Depression - I think this is where I am at now, although I wouldn't call it depression, that's a bit too strong of a word.
Step 5, Acceptance - I'm sure this is coming soon and I'm looking forward anxiously!


To all my friends/family from Twin Cities Church, I know I will see you all soon but I also know that closing our church will have a real affect on each of us and all of us. So please feel free to share your thoughts and prayers, just like we always have, and that should never change.

Related to previous post...

So today I read Psalm 19 and realized that David says it much better:

"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world."
Psalm 19: 1-4a

It is also very cool to think about David sitting and thinking about the same thing I was thinking! If time didn't keep us so far apart I would totally turn to David and say "I hear ya!" And put my fist out for some "knuckles"!

This also makes me think about how cool it is that the sky can communicate to the whole world. We are much more limited in how many can hear our 'voice' but nevertheless we do 'communicate' to everything around us and have the power to speak life or death. I want to speak more life. And I pray that I have the opportunity to speak life to the death I have communicated, or that it will be overcome by life communicated by another.

What do you hear when you look up at the sky?

My vacation in the U.P of Michigan was great; I saw many of my best friends from back home and got to spend lots of time with family, including celebrating my sister's birthday and Mother's Day!

One of my favorite things (as always) was playing card games with family in the evening after supper when the kid is in bed and all the dishes are done. Bonus for me this trip; I won every game we played!

Another favorite thing was the clear bright U.P. sky. I have always enjoyed and loved the scenery in the U.P, even when I was growing up. I remember staring at the sky, taking late night walks and pretending I was a great photographer at a very young age because I appreciated the beauty around me. I wouldn't have been able to say exactly what I liked about it at those times but now I know that even back then God was announcing himself to me through his creation. Somehow it feels like a personal conversation just between him and I even though I know everyone can see it and he wants everyone to see him through his creation.

God has been calling our church to drown ourselves in his love and his presence and this trip was certainly a continuation of that. After a great worship practice on Saturday evening before I left the presence of God strongly lingered with me all through the night, the next morning and throughout Sunday as he touched each heart in church. I left for the U.P. after church and his presence was still lingering as I drove across Wisconsin and that's when I began to hear his announcement.

The sky seemed to be clearer and bluer than ever and the clouds seemed to be fluffier and whiter than ever! Throughout the rest of my trip everything in the sky seemed so clear, even when the sky was grey and full of clouds long dark clouds.

So what was his announcement? It's hard to describe but wasn't communicated in words and I don't know if there are words to described it. Let's just say that I knew very clearly that he was anxious to be with us and sky that was a beautiful display of him showering us with his love.