Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Quick update
Our last blog was in October and we had been keeping in touch with people via email up until November and unfortunately since then I (Sarah Ann) have been without much internet access so I haven't been able to update people via the blog, email or even facebook.
Here's the short story:
Our time was up at the townhome we were renting in Big Lake, MN and the apartments the we could afford that were close to Brandon's work didn't have an opening so I moved to the U.P. of Michigan with Riley to live with my parents and Brandon stayed with some friends in MN to continue working there.
The original plan was just to do that for one month before we could join again and move into whatever new place opened up. But that plan changed when my dad has to schedule a surgery that would leave him needing daily care at home. So Riley and I have stayed in the U.P. with my parents so I could help take care of my dad. He continues to need daily care at home and can't do much but that's mostly because his leg is trying to heal up from an infection in his bone so he's not supposed to walk around much.
Unfortunately we don't have a short or long term goal except that we will make sure we are back together before the baby is born (due March 25). We are praying everyday about the next step to take and we are only ever sure of the step God wants us to take at the moment but never sure about where that step is taking us and what the next step will be.
Please pray for us as we continue to trust God in a more real way than we ever have before.
On a lighter and happier note:
Riley is being potty trained (currently on day #3) and it's going great, most all of the teaching has been learned we are just working on making everything a habit. He's as wonderful as ever and having lots of fun with Nana, Grumps, Auntie Abby, cousin Conrad, Grantie Susie and my sister's dog Jack!
The pregnancy is going great; we are still thinking it's going to be a girl and plan on naming her Ella Jane Dukes!
Sorry for the delay in updating this and the lack of photos or fun things to see; this internet connection just can't handle anything beyond the basics.
Please feel free to call our cell phones at anytime, that's really our only form of communication right now.
Love you all! Or as Riley would say "Uv you too!"
Here's the short story:
Our time was up at the townhome we were renting in Big Lake, MN and the apartments the we could afford that were close to Brandon's work didn't have an opening so I moved to the U.P. of Michigan with Riley to live with my parents and Brandon stayed with some friends in MN to continue working there.
The original plan was just to do that for one month before we could join again and move into whatever new place opened up. But that plan changed when my dad has to schedule a surgery that would leave him needing daily care at home. So Riley and I have stayed in the U.P. with my parents so I could help take care of my dad. He continues to need daily care at home and can't do much but that's mostly because his leg is trying to heal up from an infection in his bone so he's not supposed to walk around much.
Unfortunately we don't have a short or long term goal except that we will make sure we are back together before the baby is born (due March 25). We are praying everyday about the next step to take and we are only ever sure of the step God wants us to take at the moment but never sure about where that step is taking us and what the next step will be.
Please pray for us as we continue to trust God in a more real way than we ever have before.
On a lighter and happier note:
Riley is being potty trained (currently on day #3) and it's going great, most all of the teaching has been learned we are just working on making everything a habit. He's as wonderful as ever and having lots of fun with Nana, Grumps, Auntie Abby, cousin Conrad, Grantie Susie and my sister's dog Jack!
The pregnancy is going great; we are still thinking it's going to be a girl and plan on naming her Ella Jane Dukes!
Sorry for the delay in updating this and the lack of photos or fun things to see; this internet connection just can't handle anything beyond the basics.
Please feel free to call our cell phones at anytime, that's really our only form of communication right now.
Love you all! Or as Riley would say "Uv you too!"
Friday, October 2, 2009
Riley's trigger thumb
Riley's surgery on Tuesday went very well and we are back to normal at home. We were supposed to try to keep the bandage dry and clean for 8 days, until his post-op appointment next Wednesday, but that didn't happen. The doctor knows that it's close to impossible to do this with a two year old so we had instructions on how to redress it if necessary.
The only thing the instructions didn't cover is what to do if mom almost faints when she sees the incision and stitches in her two year old's hand!
This is a picture from almost a year ago. It's the earliest evidence we have of how long Riley's thumb was stuck. Can you see the difference between the thumbs? His left thumb is the trigger thumb.
Monday, September 21, 2009
When God gets you into a mess...
I have been threatened to have our link deleted from a dear friends blog, so here is what's up with the Dukes right now.
Every since the church closed we have felt like we waiting in limbo for the next thing God has for us. We seemed to have transitioned out of a lot of things (my job, our old apartment, the cities, church) but not transitioned into anything new. It feels very awkward and can be depressing if we don't concentrate on God's love for us.
It felt like the only thing keeping us from floating into the abyss of nothingness was Brandon's job, which he doesn't feel real certain about either (not that he would lose his job, but that he might want to find a new one). So I sit at home with Riley and we make the most of things while Brandon works crazy long hours at work (plus two hours of driving every day)! Riley and I see Brandon two or three nights each week and when the weekend comes and we are both so happy to spend time with him and get out of the house!
As we talked more about Brandon finding a new job we realized that without anything tying us down we could go anywhere and do anything that opened up, but if it's not where God directs us then we are finding our own way out of the mess that we let God direct us into. What good would that do?!
So our motto is: God got us into this mess and we're only taking his way out!
So until God directs us elsewhere (which could come in the next couple of weeks or not for months) we are doing the same old thing. Granted we will have some things to share about Riley, etc...but not much for now. Thank you for your patience as we wrestle with being content with where God has us and finding whatever he has for us next.
Every since the church closed we have felt like we waiting in limbo for the next thing God has for us. We seemed to have transitioned out of a lot of things (my job, our old apartment, the cities, church) but not transitioned into anything new. It feels very awkward and can be depressing if we don't concentrate on God's love for us.
It felt like the only thing keeping us from floating into the abyss of nothingness was Brandon's job, which he doesn't feel real certain about either (not that he would lose his job, but that he might want to find a new one). So I sit at home with Riley and we make the most of things while Brandon works crazy long hours at work (plus two hours of driving every day)! Riley and I see Brandon two or three nights each week and when the weekend comes and we are both so happy to spend time with him and get out of the house!
As we talked more about Brandon finding a new job we realized that without anything tying us down we could go anywhere and do anything that opened up, but if it's not where God directs us then we are finding our own way out of the mess that we let God direct us into. What good would that do?!
So our motto is: God got us into this mess and we're only taking his way out!
So until God directs us elsewhere (which could come in the next couple of weeks or not for months) we are doing the same old thing. Granted we will have some things to share about Riley, etc...but not much for now. Thank you for your patience as we wrestle with being content with where God has us and finding whatever he has for us next.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
There's still hope for my chick flick sickness!
Note: This is kind of the conclusion to the previous post.
All of the distressed women of the world who tirelessly watch chick flick and seek to understand men and long for that click flick experience can now be satisfied!
Coming to a heart near you (a.k.a. your heart) is the man who doesn't need to sleep and can watch over you night and day
- the one who can read the mind of those around you to keep you from harm (but longs to hear you tell him your thoughts and desires as if your the only mind he can't read)
- the one who has super human speed and physical ability
- the one who whisk you to the top of an ancient tree overlooking a beautiful mountain valley!
...
I know it sounds cheesy but really, God is the one!
AND EVEN MORE, God is the explanation for why we have these longings in the first place!
QUESTION: Why would God create in us a longing to be loved in such an extreme way if no man could fulfill that desire?
ANSWER(DUH!): Because men are not supposed to fulfill that desire for us - only God can!
SOURCE OF MY 'FINALLY UNDERSTANDING': The Bible (duh again!) and Mike Bickle's teachings on the Song of Songs. (Thanks for lending this to me Jonas!)
Song of Songs 2:3 - "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest"
Jesus is like the one and only apple tree among all the trees in the woods - the only one that can really satisfy our hunger!
Song of Songs 2:4 - "Let him lead me to the banquet hall"
The'happily ever after' happens when the two lovers are wedded and they celebrate their love for each other over a feast at the wedding reception!
(There's tons more that I am learning but these are just a few of the tidbits that apply to the chick flick sickness.)
...
Sounds too perfect for Hollywood, that wouldn't make for a good movie without the conflict and climax where it looks like it's all going to fall apart!
Oh, wait, there's another trying to steal the affections of the bride-to-be?!
Oh no, he's really sneaky, and super suave, she doesn't even notice what's happening!
And the audience feels like screaming at the women: "Are you stupid? Can't you see what this other deceptive guy is trying to do!"
You almost want to shut it off because she's just too stupid!
Actually there's way too much conflict and too much heart ache thinking about the bride giving so many of her affections away elsewhere and not to the groom - and what a cliffhanger it would be unless you mentioned the big comeback by the groom!
...
Well, I have decided my life can be the ultimate chick flick and all I have to do is enjoy the presence and crazy love of God. Easier said than done but totally worth it all!
Again, I know it sounds cheesy but I honestly had a really long blonde moment or something and just realized how click flicks have a great place in God's ultimate design!
:)
All of the distressed women of the world who tirelessly watch chick flick and seek to understand men and long for that click flick experience can now be satisfied!
Coming to a heart near you (a.k.a. your heart) is the man who doesn't need to sleep and can watch over you night and day
- the one who can read the mind of those around you to keep you from harm (but longs to hear you tell him your thoughts and desires as if your the only mind he can't read)
- the one who has super human speed and physical ability
- the one who whisk you to the top of an ancient tree overlooking a beautiful mountain valley!
...
I know it sounds cheesy but really, God is the one!
AND EVEN MORE, God is the explanation for why we have these longings in the first place!
QUESTION: Why would God create in us a longing to be loved in such an extreme way if no man could fulfill that desire?
ANSWER(DUH!): Because men are not supposed to fulfill that desire for us - only God can!
SOURCE OF MY 'FINALLY UNDERSTANDING': The Bible (duh again!) and Mike Bickle's teachings on the Song of Songs. (Thanks for lending this to me Jonas!)
Song of Songs 2:3 - "Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest"
Jesus is like the one and only apple tree among all the trees in the woods - the only one that can really satisfy our hunger!
Song of Songs 2:4 - "Let him lead me to the banquet hall"
The'happily ever after' happens when the two lovers are wedded and they celebrate their love for each other over a feast at the wedding reception!
(There's tons more that I am learning but these are just a few of the tidbits that apply to the chick flick sickness.)
...
Sounds too perfect for Hollywood, that wouldn't make for a good movie without the conflict and climax where it looks like it's all going to fall apart!
Oh, wait, there's another trying to steal the affections of the bride-to-be?!
Oh no, he's really sneaky, and super suave, she doesn't even notice what's happening!
And the audience feels like screaming at the women: "Are you stupid? Can't you see what this other deceptive guy is trying to do!"
You almost want to shut it off because she's just too stupid!
Actually there's way too much conflict and too much heart ache thinking about the bride giving so many of her affections away elsewhere and not to the groom - and what a cliffhanger it would be unless you mentioned the big comeback by the groom!
...
Well, I have decided my life can be the ultimate chick flick and all I have to do is enjoy the presence and crazy love of God. Easier said than done but totally worth it all!
Again, I know it sounds cheesy but I honestly had a really long blonde moment or something and just realized how click flicks have a great place in God's ultimate design!
:)
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Ultimate Chick Flick
Last night Brandon and I rented "Twilight". I usually would never had rented a vampire movie but my sister (who I think is even less likely to enjoy a vampire movie) said she saw it several times and loved it.
So I had to see what the fuss was about. And boy, did it create a fuss in me too!
WARNING: Don't keep reading if you haven't seen the movie. I am going to ruin some surprises for you if you keep reading.
It was really strange how this movie didn't seem like a vampire movie, but rather the ultimate chick flick. And my analytical mind (that drives Brandon crazy when we are watching a movie together) realized that this story seemed to be the epitome of a passionate love story.
And eventually I realized that they couldn't have achieved this epitome of a love story without making the man a super human with..
a) ultimate strength, speed and mind reading,
b) the wisdom of hundreds of years
c) the ability to protect his woman night and day because he doesn't sleep, etc...
A man who truly has nothing else to do so he can devote every moment and breathe 24/7 to his mate (who, by the way, is the only mind he can't read, because that wouldn't make for a very fun relationship).
So I tortured Brandon with my analysis of what women truly want in a love relationship (that one thing that woman are trying to engage in as single women in the dating scene; that thing a woman will always want even after she's married; and probably the major factor in why women have affairs). We want those oogly googly moments where a man looks into our eyes and truly wants to know more about us, is intrigued my our uniqueness, wants to be with us all the time and is willing to do super human things to protect us!
CAVEAT:
I know I'm not really capturing the true essence of what is it women need but I'll leave that up to the self-help section at your local bookstore. (And I'm sure I would be able to articulate this better if I ever got around to reading the "Captivating" book by Eldredge.) But for now, I'm just sharing some thoughts stirred up by the movie.
Then (later in the night as I was still obsessed with processing all of this) I realized it's really a bummer movie for men. Yes, Brandon liked it because of the action scenes and things like that, but from the perspective that this is the ultimate chick flick all the regular human guys on earth could get really discouraged that they
a) DO have to sleep at night to regain strength
b) AREN'T faster than light or
c) strong enough to take their women on a ride to the top of an ancient tree overlooking mountain ranges and rivers whenever she would like, etc...
All of these thoughts led to a lengthy conversation (at midnight, as Brandon is trying to go to sleep) between Brandon and I about the passion we felt when we were dating and engaged. Things seemed to change so fast and much seemed to be lost after we entered survival mode because of finances and having a kid and super busy lives. We stopped hanging out to just enjoy each other.
Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about, even if/when you do get to go on a date you have things you want to talk about.
So, I'm not trying to make a special recommendation for the movie. Rather, I'm intrigued at how they used the life of a "vegetarian" vampire to create what felt, to me, like the ultimate chick flick or passionate love story. I'm sure this sounds pretty pathetic but I don't really care because it helped me remember some pretty important stuff that shouldn't be forgotten or lost after you get married.
So I had to see what the fuss was about. And boy, did it create a fuss in me too!
WARNING: Don't keep reading if you haven't seen the movie. I am going to ruin some surprises for you if you keep reading.
It was really strange how this movie didn't seem like a vampire movie, but rather the ultimate chick flick. And my analytical mind (that drives Brandon crazy when we are watching a movie together) realized that this story seemed to be the epitome of a passionate love story.
And eventually I realized that they couldn't have achieved this epitome of a love story without making the man a super human with..
a) ultimate strength, speed and mind reading,
b) the wisdom of hundreds of years
c) the ability to protect his woman night and day because he doesn't sleep, etc...
A man who truly has nothing else to do so he can devote every moment and breathe 24/7 to his mate (who, by the way, is the only mind he can't read, because that wouldn't make for a very fun relationship).
So I tortured Brandon with my analysis of what women truly want in a love relationship (that one thing that woman are trying to engage in as single women in the dating scene; that thing a woman will always want even after she's married; and probably the major factor in why women have affairs). We want those oogly googly moments where a man looks into our eyes and truly wants to know more about us, is intrigued my our uniqueness, wants to be with us all the time and is willing to do super human things to protect us!
CAVEAT:
I know I'm not really capturing the true essence of what is it women need but I'll leave that up to the self-help section at your local bookstore. (And I'm sure I would be able to articulate this better if I ever got around to reading the "Captivating" book by Eldredge.) But for now, I'm just sharing some thoughts stirred up by the movie.
Then (later in the night as I was still obsessed with processing all of this) I realized it's really a bummer movie for men. Yes, Brandon liked it because of the action scenes and things like that, but from the perspective that this is the ultimate chick flick all the regular human guys on earth could get really discouraged that they
a) DO have to sleep at night to regain strength
b) AREN'T faster than light or
c) strong enough to take their women on a ride to the top of an ancient tree overlooking mountain ranges and rivers whenever she would like, etc...
All of these thoughts led to a lengthy conversation (at midnight, as Brandon is trying to go to sleep) between Brandon and I about the passion we felt when we were dating and engaged. Things seemed to change so fast and much seemed to be lost after we entered survival mode because of finances and having a kid and super busy lives. We stopped hanging out to just enjoy each other.
Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about, even if/when you do get to go on a date you have things you want to talk about.
So, I'm not trying to make a special recommendation for the movie. Rather, I'm intrigued at how they used the life of a "vegetarian" vampire to create what felt, to me, like the ultimate chick flick or passionate love story. I'm sure this sounds pretty pathetic but I don't really care because it helped me remember some pretty important stuff that shouldn't be forgotten or lost after you get married.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Something's missing...
I am super emotional right now and those of you who know me know that's a pretty big deal. Even though I am a female, I am NOT much of a "feeler" and much more of a "thinker". It is to my fault sometimes that I am very business-like with everything in my life. My emotions almost always take back seat to my check-list. Even my thoughts usually ignore my feelings. But eventually the big emotions catch up with my mind and pound down the door to explode into front & center stage!
So here I am on a Sunday evening...
Riley went down to bed like a perfect big 2 year old!
The house got a deep clean this week and we even re-cleaned some things after the party!
Everything on my checklist is checked!
Sounds like everything should feel perfect, right?!
But it doesn't...all I can think is that it feels like something is missing!
(And something tells me it has nothing to do with a checklist.)
I told Brandon how I felt and, like the great husband he is, he prayed with me, hugged me as a cried, and put my favorite movie in the DVD player - Cheaper By The Dozen!
So here I am, watching my favorite feel-good movie, snuggled up with pillows and blankets and on the couch with my husband! But something is missing!
Now it feels like it's my thoughts that aren't caught up with my emotions. Can you tell I'm a helpless emotional!!!
So what's missing...
...I miss my church family...
...I miss my family family, and nowhere feels like home as much as being with them...
...I'm dreading Brandon going to work tomorrow and I feel like I miss him already...
...I miss having my long checklist of Riley's party plans to distract my mind from my emotions...
Honestly, I know I was right with the first one = I miss my church!
For those of you who don't know, my ("our" if your from TCC) church, Twin Cities Church, has closed. We ended with the loving arms of our Father wrapped around us and worshipped him together for our final Sunday morning service on June 7th.
I really haven't figured out what's ahead but blogging (and the movie) are helping me find an optimistic thought and I look forward to talking with God each day this week as he walks me through what feels like grieving. Grieving the loss of my church...
...my family away from MI...
...my best Minneapolis friends...
...my spiritual encouragement...
...my long time unofficial part-time job...
...and for a short time, my latest official part-time job...
...the church that got me through college...
...the church where I was married...
...the church where my first and only (so far) child was dedicated...
...the church where I preached my first and only (so far) sermons...
...the only church I have ever know as my own, besides the church I was raised in, in MI...
I will never forget the mental pictures I have of those moments in the church when God spoke to me or the many amazing things that came from our kids as they were exposed to God's presence.
So what are those 5, or however many, steps or phases of grieving...
Here's what I found online (not scientific, but general concise info):
http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/grief-and-grieving-topic-overview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
Step 1, Denial - check. I think my business-like mind takes care of denying the emotions.
Step 2, Anger - check. Coupled with guilt. Step 3, Bargaining - check: Riley's party was how I compromised with the certain fate that things would not be the same anymore for my church family.
Step 4, Depression - I think this is where I am at now, although I wouldn't call it depression, that's a bit too strong of a word.
Step 5, Acceptance - I'm sure this is coming soon and I'm looking forward anxiously!
To all my friends/family from Twin Cities Church, I know I will see you all soon but I also know that closing our church will have a real affect on each of us and all of us. So please feel free to share your thoughts and prayers, just like we always have, and that should never change.
So here I am on a Sunday evening...
Riley went down to bed like a perfect big 2 year old!
The house got a deep clean this week and we even re-cleaned some things after the party!
Everything on my checklist is checked!
Sounds like everything should feel perfect, right?!
But it doesn't...all I can think is that it feels like something is missing!
(And something tells me it has nothing to do with a checklist.)
I told Brandon how I felt and, like the great husband he is, he prayed with me, hugged me as a cried, and put my favorite movie in the DVD player - Cheaper By The Dozen!
So here I am, watching my favorite feel-good movie, snuggled up with pillows and blankets and on the couch with my husband! But something is missing!
Now it feels like it's my thoughts that aren't caught up with my emotions. Can you tell I'm a helpless emotional!!!
So what's missing...
...I miss my church family...
...I miss my family family, and nowhere feels like home as much as being with them...
...I'm dreading Brandon going to work tomorrow and I feel like I miss him already...
...I miss having my long checklist of Riley's party plans to distract my mind from my emotions...
Honestly, I know I was right with the first one = I miss my church!
For those of you who don't know, my ("our" if your from TCC) church, Twin Cities Church, has closed. We ended with the loving arms of our Father wrapped around us and worshipped him together for our final Sunday morning service on June 7th.
I really haven't figured out what's ahead but blogging (and the movie) are helping me find an optimistic thought and I look forward to talking with God each day this week as he walks me through what feels like grieving. Grieving the loss of my church...
...my family away from MI...
...my best Minneapolis friends...
...my spiritual encouragement...
...my long time unofficial part-time job...
...and for a short time, my latest official part-time job...
...the church that got me through college...
...the church where I was married...
...the church where my first and only (so far) child was dedicated...
...the church where I preached my first and only (so far) sermons...
...the only church I have ever know as my own, besides the church I was raised in, in MI...
I will never forget the mental pictures I have of those moments in the church when God spoke to me or the many amazing things that came from our kids as they were exposed to God's presence.
So what are those 5, or however many, steps or phases of grieving...
Here's what I found online (not scientific, but general concise info):
http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/grief-and-grieving-topic-overview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
Step 1, Denial - check. I think my business-like mind takes care of denying the emotions.
Step 2, Anger - check. Coupled with guilt. Step 3, Bargaining - check: Riley's party was how I compromised with the certain fate that things would not be the same anymore for my church family.
Step 4, Depression - I think this is where I am at now, although I wouldn't call it depression, that's a bit too strong of a word.
Step 5, Acceptance - I'm sure this is coming soon and I'm looking forward anxiously!
To all my friends/family from Twin Cities Church, I know I will see you all soon but I also know that closing our church will have a real affect on each of us and all of us. So please feel free to share your thoughts and prayers, just like we always have, and that should never change.
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